“Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment.” Gaslighting Definition in Wikipedia
Does Gaslighting exist in the workplace? It sure does! Often more subtle than in personal relationships but it exists alright.
Gaslighting signs
The problem is Gaslighters are they are very good at making you doubt your own sanity and self-worth with subtle digs and putdowns. Therefore, it may go unnoticed for some time. Instead you start to question yourself. Gaslighting can have a real effect on your confidence, your wellbeing and may also result in degradation in your work as the self-doubt increases and your confidence plummets.
Here are some signs you are, or have been, on the receiving end of Gaslighting:
- They openly question your skills, expertise and knowledge
- They tell lies about you
- They interrupt and disrupt you during meetings
- They repeatedly put you down often in front of others
- They laugh at you, often with colleagues
- They express concern that you will not be able survive in another job/organisation
The impact on you
As mentioned before, the signs maybe subtle such that you don’t recognise them at first. However, you may experience one or more of the following:
- You start to feel uncharacteristically incompetent
- Making decisions takes longer as you start to second guess yourself
- You start to find excuses to avoid meetings and social gatherings
- You stop applying for promotions or transfers
- Feelings of low self-worth on a regular basis
- High anxiety becomes an every day occurrence
- You have no confidence to apply for posts in alternative organisations
Why it happens
Once you notice it’s happening and realise it’s not a deficit of yours, it’s natural to wonder why someone would do this to you. There could be many reasons for someone to Gaslight you but, ultimately, it comes down to someone wanting power over you. See below for possible explanations why:
- They have deep-rooted insecurities and need to put other people down to feel better about themselves
- They see you as a threat to their role/security/favour with the leadership team
- They rely on you and the role you perform and need you to stay put
- Resentment or embarrassment if you have spurned their advances
- Plain old jealousy and bitterness
How to deal with Gaslighting
The good thing about recognising the possibility of being a victim of Gaslighting, is that you can start to do something about it. Consider taking the following steps back to regain your power.
- Take a deep breath and remember what Eleanor Roosevelt once said ‘What others think about me is none of my business’
- Take a break from the situation and book yourself some time off work
- Practise a little self-care and treat yourself as if you were your own best friend
- Indulge in a little self-reflection and consider if you have been Gaslighted or maybe just needed a break
- Keep a record of events, dates and times of ongoing occurrences, storing physical evidence where possible
- Speak out to the perpetrator, most bullies back down when confronted
- If it persists and you have evidence, seek out professional support
- Take stock of your self-worth and if the situation doesn’t improve, move on with your head held high and your crown firmly in place
Finally, a few words of wisdom from RuPaul. “If you can’t love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” Meaning, love yourself first, believe in yourself first and put your first especially in the workplace. Once you do that, no amount of Gaslighting in the workplace can touch you.
